RJD and a Father’s Pride

Perhaps it’s because I recently started reading The Bible (more on that later, to be sure), or maybe it’s because I have been spending more time with my own dad, but I feel super charged with sentimentality lately. Twice in the past few weeks, our family has been doing family stuff when my son quieted everyone because a Dio song started playing. I must say that in both instances, a tear welled up, filled with the essence that only makes tears of emotion, and lodged itself in the corner of my eye. They were strong tears, tears of appreciation, tears of pride, tears that are made of the desert rains that quench the eyes of fathers who are taught to keep their eyes dry of tears responding to pain or emotion. Those arid eyes are only dry as long as they have not been inspired by the power of witnessing their child’s birth, by watching The Green Mile, by experiencing a kidney stone, or by witnessing their child shush people so that they can throw horns in reverence to “Rainbow in the Dark.”

When my son shut us down to hear “Holy Diver,” and all was quiet save for magnificent 80s keyboard and guitar, an image formed in my mind. I was taken to a scene of crags and mist. A throne was perched atop a pillar of stone. A man, diminutive yet mighty, kind of like if Yoda and Carla from Cheers had a kid, stood in front of the throne. Far below, on our earthly plane, someone rolled a critical hit, and the man raised a fist in acknowledgement of the mighty blow. He nodded his head to someone reaching the final credits after having watched each of the Lord of the Rings movies in succession. He gave a pointed index finger of power each time an adventuring party formed a Heaven and Hell era tribute band. The man stopped his gestures of favor to the devout and fixed his gaze earthward. He focused on a single spot, a keep deep in the suburbs. A family joined in feast stopped their communal repast at the raised palm of a small child. A powerful, mystical wind could be heard. The boy gave a hushed request for silence, and he issued a terse explanation with simply, “Holy Diver.” The man in the mountain smiled a knowing smile, sat himself upon his throne, and gave the highest of all blessings in his might, the ward against the Malocchio, the sign of love and power, the extended index and small fingers forming the horns of the elect.

Back on Earth, the family was entranced by the magic sounds, the boy nodded to the meter, and the matriarch shook her head. The scene was only interrupted by a sincere and motherly, “You dorks.” For my son and the future daughters and sons of my son, I thank you, Ronnie James Dio. May your might be felt for ages to come.

Have a good day!

Otto Scungy

 

Holy Diver

Heaven and Hell

Dungeons & Dragons commercial

https://youtu.be/q1wGlOwn1pM

Ravenous, Infuriating, Hell-Spawned Hippos

I enjoy playing games with my son. I enjoy watching him happily amusing himself with a game, learning new skills through playtime, but I want to smash Hungry Hungry Hippos with a hammer. I owe my parents a giant apology for playing Hungry Hungry Hippos when I was a kid. That they didn’t sever my arms after listening to the “clack-clack-clack-clack-clack!” saves them seats with the saints. If Damien from The Omen had a game he enjoyed as much as tricycle riding, it would be Hungry Hungry Hippos. I try to avoid saying that I hate anything. Hate is too strong a word for any negativity I feel for anything or anyone. Hungry Hungry Hippos is one of the closest things I can think of that makes me feel anything close to hate. It’s more of an activity than a game. It doesn’t even really require hands or thought, just the ability to somehow mash a lever over and over again and the joy some find in pulling the legs off bugs. The designers of the game should be forced to wake up in the morning to the sound of a Hungry Hungry Hippos tournament.

I need to grow some tolerance regarding Hasbro’s torture device disguised as a game. If kids like it, it must have some value. Maybe Hungry Hungry Hippos is one of those tests that prepare people for true, peaceful Zen experience. It’s like monastic training, where you increase the time it takes to go from “No, it’s fine; go ahead and play,” to “Please, stop playing that thing so we can have just a goddamn minute of quiet!” I have steeled myself that my son will have a few only-child issues, but playing Hungry Hungry Hippos by himself pushes the envelope. When he plays the game, which is normally with my wife, the house turns into one of those scenes in books where authors set ominous tones with places devoid of animal life. Our pets would rather fight ten vacuum cleaners than have to be near Hungry Hungry Hippos. I should rise above the sentiment of our pets and just accept that different people enjoy different types of games. Maybe there is an inherent part of ageing that makes Baby Boomer dads, Generation X dads, and all dads extra sensitive to sounds like the number of times a patio door opens, the number of seconds a refrigerator door stays open, and the number and intensity of each cacophonous “Clack” of a hungry, hungry (good Lord, is it hungry) hippo. In the future, I’ll do my best to smile and not let Hungry Hungry Hippos get the best of me. I think I’ll go mow the lawn.

 

Have a good day!

Otto Scungy

 

Hungry Hungry Hippos – 80s commercial